Sometimes as we walk out our calling, the line between "being" and "doing" can blur. However, our personal relationship with Christ should never be sacrificed for the call. Through this latest experience, I was reminded that it is important to remain broken and pliable in His hands and allow Him to be the one in control. My love relationship with God is detrimental to maintaining the call and the anointing. In my lowest time, even when I couldn't muster the strength, the Holy Spirit helped me and a song or a scripture would rise in my spirit and for a moment each day I had the will to think of one thing to be grateful for. I had something in my reserves for the Holy Spirit to work with and it came to the fore at the time I needed it.
God brought me through this depressing year and taught me many valuable lessons. He caused me to rest in Him. He gave me His grace to come through on the other side. He helped me day by day to regain momentum because He knew that someone would need to hear of my brokenness and how God keeps bringing me out! Yes, it is because I am broken why He can use me to minister.
As I come full circle, over the years as I prepare to minister from varying platforms, I keep this scripture in my spirit:
"…Be strong and courageous and DO IT. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the LORD God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the house of the LORD is finished." 1 Chronicles 28:20
I keep this in the back of my mind because even when I don’t feel like moving forward,
Even when I'm hurting physically and otherwise
Even when I don’t feel like preparing another message,
Even when I don’t feel like what I do is important,
Even when I don’t feel courageous,
Even when others cause me to feel like I don’t fit in,
Or meet the standards,
Or look the part,
Or paid the price they think I should pay,
I get up, I pray up, I word up, I suit up and I show up.
I show up by God’s grace and I DO IT. I do it because the work for the house of the Lord is not yet done. I do it because I don’t know who I will meet who needs to see my broken vessel be repaired and be used for God’s glory. I do it because I don't know who will need to see my broken alabaster box of worship poured out. I do it because I don’t know who God will place in my path who may be struggling with a past they think has disqualified them from being used by Him that my story can transform. I don’t know if I will be the one to pray that prayer, or speak that word or give that smile, or to be confident in my own skin and will finally set someone free to do the same.
I give God thanks for the path He brought me through and for the grace and strength to stand as an overcomer and a victor.
Salvation is free to those who will receive. As for the anointing and the call, we pay the price through intense and continuous prayer. We pay the price by choosing to live by the standards of holiness. We pay the price by standing transparently in the truth of who we are in Christ and who He has called us to be. We pay the price by seeing every life experience as something God can turn around for His glory and stay humble as He takes us through our process of preparation. We pay the price by learning to see ourselves not through our own eyes, but through God’s eyes and with His help, yield to becoming all that He has made us to be.